Oh boy, where do I even start?
This last year has been A YEAR, let me tell you. Not only because of the panini. You know what I mean by that. I have been on quite the personal journey with my health. It doesn’t seem like it’s slowing down any time soon. I’m trying to find the blessings in it all, which one of them will hopefully be getting back to one of my biggest passions – writing, and this blog.
I’ll try to keep it short and sweet, which has never really been my thing. But there is just so much that has happened.
If you’ve read other posts on this blog, you already know a little bit about my mental health history. Despite my best efforts, I have just had such a hard time coping and getting things under control. I made the decision, along with my family doctor, to go on medication for my anxiety and depression. I am so incredibly grateful for the relationship I have been able to build with my doctor, who has supported me along this extremely difficult journey to finding a medicine that works for me. I say extremely difficult because so far, I have not have much luck with the medication I’ve tried. Hopefully I’ll get there.
I also mentioned in one of my previous blogs that I have had a difficult relationship with my reproductive organs. Well, it’s been pretty much confirmed (as confirmed as it can be without a laparoscopy) that I have endometriosis. I was on medication for about a year or so, and it helped me live relatively pain free, which I never believed was possible. However, due to my debilitating depression and the possibility that the medication was making it worse, I made the decision (along with my doctor, and hopefully temporarily) to go off of that medication. The pain has come back with a VENGEANCE, but it is what it is.
With the panzerotti allowing me to slow down a bit, I had the opportunity to learn more about my body and pay more attention to it. Through this, I also learned that I have hypothyroidism and fibromyalgia. I am on medication for both now. The thyroid is under control now, but it’s one of those things that can fluctuate, and I will be on medication for it for the rest of my life. I am also on medication for fibromyalgia which is helping a tiny bit, but it’s one of the most constant struggles in my life right now. You should see my pill collection – oh man! I am SO, SO grateful to have benefits through my husband.
So all of this being said, I have been mostly off of work since December. I made an attempt to go back in May, but I wasn’t successful. I have been on sick leave for quite some time, which is causing some financial strain on us but working is just not in my wheelhouse right now.
Aside from medication, I am really trying very hard to do what is in my control to get better. I started doing yoga, which I am LOVING, and am trying to add some meditation into my routine as well. I have been doing some online CBT counselling along with a counselor. I am on the hunt for a therapist, but it’s really not easy right now. I have apps on my phone to track my progress and regressions, I write in a meditation journal, I use apps to help me exercise my brain, and I lean on my INCREDIBLE support system when I need to. Seriously, I can’t believe my mom hasn’t started charging me for her services. She has been such an angel in my life during this; I don’t know what I would do without her.
I also made the really tough and terrifying decision to go back to school next year. I am SO SO SO SO SO scared about it. It’s something I have thought about for a couple of years. I am going into a program that I am super passionate about. But like … it’s been years. What even is school?! How is it going to work with this panorama? I am so so scared. Ugh. If you have any advice about going back to school after being out of school for years, please leave it for me.
So that’s about it, in a nutshell. While I am trying to hold myself accountable and schedule my life as best as I can to maintain a consistent routine, I can’t make any MAJOR commitments to getting back to this in a certain manner. I know how much blogs and social media have helped me with my mental health and health journey, so I feel like I need to give back, if that makes sense. I hope to be able to continue to use this outlet in a positive way for myself, and also for you.