I used to be that girl who cried for EVERYTHING. It was one of the things that people knew me for. I don’t think I really knew how to regulate my emotions back then and crying was the only way to release those things.
Now, I get surprised something at how things that used to just get me don’t anymore. A cute animal still triggers the tears but you could tell me the most terrible and disgustingly horrible things and I’m stone faced.
But every now and then I just get this feeling in between my eyes of pressure and nothing might happen but I just feel this physical and mental urge to CRY. Nothing might be going on or everything might be going on but my mind just becomes obsessed with crying. It gets to a point where I just have to give myself time to cry.
Giving myself those moments honestly feels amazing. I feel like that release allows me the opportunity to feel what I’m feeling and allow things to just suck. When I’m done, I get this sense of determination and motivation to make things better. It doesn’t always last long but that’s another problem and another blog post.
I had one of those days a few weeks ago. A lot is happening in my life right now and was back then. There’s a lot of uncertainty and stress and change that I cannot control.
I was walking home from doing some errands and listening to music and I felt that pressure come. Then this song came on that is so beautiful and heartfelt and the tears just came. I got home and listened to this song again and I just cried for an hour. At some points I found myself telling myself to stop, that I didn’t need to cry, and that crying wouldn’t help. More on this later.
Also here’s the song that got me.
I had another day like that a couple days ago before I took my mental health day. Where I work, I deal with some pretty heavy stuff sometimes. Since 99.999% of the issues have nothing to do with me and I don’t have much power to change things, I don’t worry about it. But that day, everything hit me. It was one tragedy after another and it made me so sad. I cried a little bit at work and then again when I was off work. I have a ton and ton of empathy and so I get it, but I’ve also learned how to compartmentalize. Sometimes you just can’t though.
Do you have days like this? If so, I really hope you let yourself cry. And I hope no one shames you for it. If we weren’t supposed to cry, we wouldn’t be able to. It’s as simple as that … okay, for some of us it’s not as simple as that. But it should be, you know?
I know some of us are taught that we shouldn’t cry, that we should check our emotions at the door when at work or an event, and that we’re “too” emotional or unstable if we cry. Like that’s a bad thing. It’s not.
Just as our world is starting to open their minds and hearts to mental health, so too should we hope that they’re open to all the complexities that come along with it.
Have you ever struggled with letting yourself cry? Please feel free to share your experiences with me!