Feeling Defeated

You know how sometimes there’s just so much going on that’s not even really in your power, and how it can make you feel so defeated?

That’s what I’m living with right now. I work so hard, I try so hard, and it doesn’t seem to be paying off right now. Coupling that with a mental illness that causes so much fear and worry – not ideal.

How I currently feel thinking about the path my life is going lol. | Via Giphy

How do you pick yourself up from it!? Everyone can tell you that you’ll be okay and they have your back and one day your time will come, but you can’t tell yourself that and have yourself believe it.

When you live with seemingly no sense of control, there are two outcomes. You either try to control everything, or you feel like you’re just wafting through life as things happen TO you. With the latter, you can find yourself blaming the world without realizing that many of your actions and choices get you there, even if you’re not actively pursuing the outcome.

Minus the crack. | Via Giphy

So right now, I feel defeated. I feel like I’ve been served some bad sushi that I don’t necessarily deserve or feel like I’ve done anything to make it happen. But to a certain extent, I have made it happen, so with all of my fear and lack of control, what do I do?

You know for someone who worries about how every little moment is going to define my life, I sure struggle with finding or maintaining motivation. But every time I come across a moment where I can choose to make things better for myself, I’m stuck.

LOL! | Via Giphy

How do you motivate yourself to go on and make your life what you want it to be when there’s an internal voice that always tells you it can’t be you, or you’ll fail, or you don’t have what it takes?

I wanted to share this honesty because I know I’m not the only who feels this way. I feel like people my age have so much stacked against them, and yet try to play things off as if we’re not crumbling under the weight of trying to make it in this world.

Yes Kesha! | Via Giphy

What I also want to know as well is: have you ever made a huge sacrifice, or taken a big leap of faith, to give your dreams a shot? What advice do you have for someone who wants to get there?

If you understand this reference, hello and I love you. | Via Giphy

Your friend,

Alicia

Published by Alicia Gallant

I'm a 20-something girl living with severe anxiety and panic on a journey to love myself. I'm becoming a part of the conversation about mental health through honesty and humour. *Photo: Stefanie Moreau Photography

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